beta play blog 5: slow burn at the races
I’ve returned to the megalith of a play. Or it has returned to me. I couldn’t avoid it much longer without feeling that I’m letting myself down in some way. So much of calling yourself a writer is about striving for consistency. I also think I might need this process as I temporarily up sticks from London to a strange northern retirement town by the sea. A transient, in-between place to exist, although a thoughtful one…
But being a professional creative, and a bit older now, I know that a few things remain like standing stones, despite changing scenery. These things being – the current writing projects… One – that’s gathered pace like Charlton Heston at the races. Another one – that is a deliberate slower burn (the play) and one that might turn into a part-time PhD or a gentle two-year trot into maturity. They will all have their own unpredictable lives, which will involve: meeting new people, discovering windows of opportunity as well as unforeseen hurdles, and squinting at them through a more commercial lens.
…I’m working through a passage in the play that is tonally difficult. How do you write something that was quite serious in the minds of people taking part, but on the face of it is farcical? The instinct is not to write it as farce but, as previously mentioned, through the very earnest intentions of the characters involved. It is much more interesting to get people to care deeply about something seemingly ridiculous.
That sensation of the thing running away with me rather than me holding it the reins is typical of this current playwriting process. I inadvertently watched one of those annoying pop-up adverts on YouTube the other day. It was an athlete’s personal story of gaining confidence through simply doing the tricky thing rather than waiting until he felt completely prepared for it. I hate to say it, but this script does adhere to that process.
Another thing I’m learning through this play is faith and patience. I go onto Instagram once a day. I’ve got an app blocker called ‘Be Present’ to make sure I’m not habitually scrolling. It’s quite aggressive and says things like, ‘Do you really want to go there Tamsin? and ‘Uh oh! You’re breaking your streak…’ if you transgress. Anyhow, if you’re a writer, director, actor, etc. you will be aware of the algorithm’s tendency to prioritise the extraordinary successes of your peers, on a daily basis. For your perusal.
If you let this play into completely understandable insecurities, it will, no doubt, give you the illusion of underachieving in a world where your first, second and third-degree contacts are all enjoying plaudits. It’s a slippery AF slope. We did not all write our first plays through development schemes that catapulted us into more influential rooms. We did not all do house-shares with the director of our future works or marry an industry butterfly – these things are the anomaly, not the norm. So, I remind myself that I would rather take my time writing a beautiful, compelling and unique thing than being preoccupied by a non-existent race. I am on my own time.
I used to feel just as patient and full of blind faith about Arts Council funded projects – in the envisioning, preparation process, the making and the final performances. Now I’m focussing on the thing I care about most – writing the blueprints. As for the beta play, that is now less beta and more of an Alpha player in my head.
What helps with this pure enjoyment are the fun sides of the process, some of which I’ve mentioned in previous blogs. Extra textual sleuthing for instance, or inhabiting a character from an actor’s perspective rather than multiple writerly POV’s. I’ve certainly been thinking about my protagonist as they navigate the spaces of this awkward passage. The next thing will be trying to inhabit a character almost comically contrasting to my own and many others, and discovering his obscure relatability…
It’s just occurred to me that once I’ve pushed through this nemesis of a section, I will have the equally hefty task of making the rest of it memorable. Well, good. What a worthy thing to look forward to…wherever it gets hashed out.
TF
