Short Play Sample

ORGAN RECITAL by Tamsin Flower

(First produced for a rehearsed reading at Menagerie theatre’s Xmas event in Cambridge 2012.)

 

Characters/Organs:

(Brain, Heart, Stomach)                                                                                                                                           

DR BRAINTREE  Egotistical academic. (Male 20-40)

MS HART   Altruistic tendencies (Female 20-35)

TOM MACK  Body-builder, keen sense of self-preservation (Male 20-40)

NB – Character gender can be changed and experimented with.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Space with: a table, one candle, two stools/chairs, a projection screen, low-lighting.

BRAINTREE (BT)                                (Entering) I… am… ready! So – (Lining up audience) in a series where one pulse acts in accordance with another under similar conditions, we must (casing them up) still expect an element of chaos. Yes, chaos is predictable within a given set of parameters. In fact Dr Braintree and his colleagues have proven it; to a degree. Look, we can all be determined, but given slight shifts in starting points: history, propensity and so forth, the likely outcome can become the unlikely one…

Tonight!

Braintree effects projection slide of luminous globules moving in fluid. (Reminiscent of the inside of a lava-lamp.)He proceeds to assess the arrangement of the furniture.

Tonight is the night Braintree conducts his most risky of experiments. (Rubs hands) Braintree has anticipated tonight for weeks – for Dr Braintree, despite being a VERY important person, so important in fact that he refers to himself in the third person… Braintree is…alone. (Glazes over.) An appendage dangling from the family line of organic matter like a tentacle with no rock on which to fix itself. Braintree is…in common parlance… single.

Braintree leaps into a nervous frenzy of action, rearranging furniture.

(shaky) So here we go…natural as anything. Two seats spaced a meter apart, two drinks – one alcoholic, one not – for Braintree….One candle for effect. (Shouts) Ms Hart? Ms Hart! (to self) This is not a good start.

Ms Hart runs in, slightly flustered.

Ms Hart                Hi, (sits) hi.

BT                          Very good.

Ms Hart                What?

BT                          Very quick.

Ms Hart                That’s the point isn’t it? (Nervous laugh)

BT                          Now, you’ve been suitably impressed by my brilliance?

Ms Hart                Oh hehe, yes, you’re very clever.

BT                          Good. We can continue. (Placing stop-clock) I’ll give you 1.5 minutes to give of yourself.

Ms Hart                Thanks. That’s a nice way of putting it.

BT                          It’s accurate.

Ms Hart                Where shall I start – ?

BT                          History, you’ve already covered personality.

Ms Hart                Have I?

BT                          In a nano-second, comprehensively.

Ms Hart                It’s been a year since –

BT                          Going back further…

Ms Hart                I liked primary school –

BT                          No, something else.

Ms Hart                Erm, my Mother was –

BT                          That’s better. (Looks at clock) Keep going.

Ms Hart looks startled.

You’re err… doing very well.

Ms Hart                Am I? You’re welcome. I appreciate your honest approach.

BT                          Efficient. It’s efficient…it’s a shame about high school and I hope a year’s been long enough to realise you can do better.

Ms Hart                Wow, are you psychic?

BT                          No, it’s maths. Please give me your whole history starting with Mother –

Ms Hart                – was overly protective or didn’t know better…no one showed her how, it’s not her fault…then there was Dad being so like a cloud on the house, which left me with –

BT                           A sibling to talk to?

Ms Hart                 No, look after.

BT                           I should have guessed.

Ms Hart                 Why?

BT                           You want to tell me everything. It’s like turning on a tap.

Ms Hart                  ‘You only get what you give.’

BT                           So what’s made you lonely?

Ms Hart                  I didn’t say I was lonely.

BT                           But you are.

Ms Hart                  No, I’m not.

BT                            Yes you are.

Ms Hart                   Yes, I am.

Silence. Ms Hart tightens up in horror. Her demeanour changes.

BT                            Well this is crap – you’ve shut up like a clam now!

Ms Hart                   Is it surprising?

BT                            Yes, I’ve been sympathetic –

Ms Hart                   What do you actually want?

BT                           I’m at a speed-dating event, what do you think I want?

Ms Hart                  To make people uncomfortable?

BT                           Wrong. I want to ‘see’ people.

Ms Hart                  To date people?

BT                           No, to see them.

Ms Hart                (Misinterpreting) Oh I see. You want no strings… I’m not going to be your rampant-rabbit I’m afraid. I like strings, a lot of strings make lovely music…you can’t make music without strings. I like belonging to something more than me, I like knowing –

BT                           – that someone will behave as if you are inextricably connected and take care not to look at other specimens –

Ms Hart                Specimens?

BT                           Sorry, subjects,…people. You want him to pump fairytales through your veins in order to fantasize about tying knots and sharing the duties of procreation.

Ms Hart                You think I’m deluded?

BT                           Not entirely.  But it’ll only be true in hindsight, after years and years of growing older with a person who wants to tie themselves in knots.

Ms Hart                Giving and receiving mutually is not a knot! Its part of life’s cycle, what place better to do that than in a family?

BT                           As long as you’re prepared to go wanting. If it’s equality you want I would have stayed at home.

Stop-clock goes off. Ms Hart is stunned and confused. Mack enters approaching her chair. Braintree is business-like.

Ms Hart                Have I passed your silly test?

BT                           Why do you care if it’s silly?

Ms Hart                Because I’ve got a pulse. I can’t help it.

BT                           It’ll all come out in the wash – patience, patience.

Ms Hart                What does that mean?

BT                           Don’t make others your haemoglobin my dear.

Ms Hart is struck by the statement.

Mr Mack              (To Ms Hart) You’ve got my chair.

Ms Hart rises from her seat. Hart and Mack lock eyes as Ms Hart leaves.

BT                           Mr Mack. Ready?

Mr Mack               Always.

BT                          Your time starts (pressing stop-clock) now.

Mr Mack               Tom Mack. Like my steaks rare. Are you paying attention?

BT                           (Watching Ms Hart) Yes.

Mr Mack               She’s gone. Concentrate on the goods in front of you.

BT                          Why ‘goods?’

Mr Mack              (Standing) Go to the gym – good stamina, good pair o’ shoulders, firm arse, good and hard abs. See that (showing tattoos) love and hate.

BT                           What does that mean?

Mr Mack              Done love, done hate. I’m not gonna’ cry about it…read my cover, if you don’t like what’s inside then fuck off…what I’m looking for is someone sensitive. I’m a very sensitive person, I have needs.

BT                           Don’t we all? (Mack shrugs)

Mr Mack              I want someone sensitive…with a nice, juicy torso, who smells good.

Mack pulls Btraintree closer to him.

You smell of Vanilla mate.

BT                           Do you like vanilla?

Mr Mack              Better than a punch in the face. I’m more of a Neapolitan man…like every flavour of the rainbow…bit of red, bit of yellow – tasty. Until I find something really rare.

BT                         What constitutes homo-sapean steak?

Mr Mack              Don’t try and label me please.

BT                         No, I mean, what’s rare?

Mr Mack              Don’t know…something that makes your mouth water.

BT                         Do I make your mouth water?

Mr Mack              Depends.

BT                        On what?

Mr Mack              Whether you’re offering it on a plate.

BT                         Maybe.

Mr Mack              With ice-cream?

BT                         Possibly.

Mr Mack              Now you’re talking!

BT                           (Rising) Right then –

Mr Mack              Oiy! I’ve still some seconds left.

BT                         Quite correct –

Mr Mack              Shhush! And they’re mine to fill.

BT                         With history.

Mr Mack              Come again?

BT                         Your history Mack.

Mr Mack              Oh yeah, premature birth – that’s why they gave me extra Sma – I was weaned on protein powder. You judging?

BT                         Of course. I’d have to fit around your body. I don’t think there’d be any room in your life for another one. (Mack is dumbfounded.)What’s my name?

Mr Mack              How should I know? If you don’t tell me I don’t know, I’m not psychic!

BT                         No, I am.

Mr Mack              Prove it.

BT                         You want to be spoiled on copious amounts of love but you can’t give it.

Mr Mack              It’s not that I can’t – if I’m not feeling it, I can’t dish it out.

BT                         Remarkable statement for someone who’s probably planning his next meal as we speak.

Mr Mack              I eat to live.

BT                        You live to eat.

Mr Mack              (Threatening) I didn’t come here to be contradicted.

BT                         Then what did you come for?

Mr Mack              Happy hour. And to meet someone nice.

BT                         Do you think I’m nice?

Mr Mack              Maybe. Some praise wouldn’t go amiss.

BT                         You take care of yourself like a well waxed Ferrari. But you guzzle fuel.

Mr Mack              I’ll take that.

BT                         (Alarm goes off) Excellent.

Mr Mack              Have I passed?

BT                         Not for me to decide I’m afraid.

Mr Mack              Well…yeah, it is.

BT                         I’m putting it to a vote.

Ms Hart               What?

Mr Mack              I don’t know how I feel –

Ms Hart                                (Entering) I don’t know how I feel about that!

BT                        That’s the thing! My personal preferences swing like a pendulum – This time next year say…if I just happen to have returned jet-lagged from India in a cloud of self-loathing with a splinter in my foot or ejected from a party by fascistically beautiful people…I may desire you Ms Hart, or you Mack. And as I’m in the business of finding a mate for the long haul rather than a gratifying nano-second, I may as well defer rational judgement to an essentially moral society of subjects…sorry – people!

Mr Mack              (Pride) Seems like an unfair competition.

Ms Hart                They might choose me.

BT                          Their collective preferences will average into a form of moderation.

Ms Hart                What if they’re all having an off day?

BT                          Then they’re no better than me.

Ms Hart                That’s bonkers.

Mr Mack              Are you scared?

Ms Hart                Course not –

Mr Mack              Cause’ I’ll win –

Ms Hart                LETS DO IT!

BT                          Ladies and gentleman – I ask that you show your preference raising your hand thus (raises it shouting:) ‘Aye!’ There…(positioning the organs). All those in favour of my living and fornicating with Mr Mack say ‘Aye’…(audience vote) all those in favour of my doing so with Ms Hart say ‘Aye’…(audience vote). That’s conclusive then.

Ms Hart                It’s not, you haven’t proven you exist!

BT                           Sorry?

Ms Hart                You don’t seem able to function without an audience. So how do we know that you’re genuine?

Mr Mack                Yeah, how do I know I’ll get ice-cream?

Ms Hart                It’s obvious – either you prove you’re a fully functioning, independent man by leaving WITHOUT THE AUDIENCE or the audience will have to leave.

BT                           That is not the test…the parameters are set!

Ms Hart                 All those in favour of leaving the party say ‘aye!’ (Silence…)

Mr Mack                All those in favour of Braintree leaving say ‘aye!’(They do so)

BT                           This is completely irregular! You’re rendering the conditions of my experiment nill and void!

Mr Mack                And?

BT                           (In horror) I will have wasted so much time –

Ms Hart                So? You can’t expect us to engage with you if you’re not really engaging –

Mr Mack              He can, it’s just…

Hart & Mack      (To selves) Selfish.

Braintree walks off-stage dragging his feet. Before he exits Ms Hart swipes a cigarette from his pocket.  Mr Mack lights the cigarette for her and sits down putting his feet on the table.

Mack                     Course’ if Braintree had half a brain, he would have factored in exponential developments of a radical nature.

Ms Hart                (Musing on name) Brain…tree…

Mack                     Dick-head.

                BLACK.